When no more can be done ...

written in black and white ... 

End of life .... a speciality to configure somehow, if the years give? 

The suddenness that came in the downhill prognosis, when one has fought hard. Thr intendion to live to at least the following Easter ... (one other doctor had given an inkling when on my own in time on  the oncology ward of that that comes)

It never happened ... it was one sunny September day .. he did not make anymore specuial aims to live for, the next was the 51 years of marriage milestone in October ... Dad had written and wrapped the last gift and card for Mum   ... evidence left in his office we cleared out ... 

The one last time of going to the office ... he summoned the bit of strength left to visit this room not been in awhile ... 

.... the minimal fuss in accepting the fact of many of these journey taken when we have witnessed time and again the illnesses that are terminal in the cycles of birth, life to death ... 

The reduction of much in the housekeep of all that is personal to me. Only now am I getting to see what has happened after a period of bombardment of the intertwining of many strands of health declining in various segments of the family. 

My late father with no hair after cancer treatment whilst a hubby dying. A sister who was made redundant and not working at the time which is destiny for she supported Dad, was able to have her first foot op. And in the middle of decorating her room when I made contact to say what happened to the utter shock of that Winter festive time .... she was able to support me in restablishimg contact with the world after a long period of social isolation in not talking or seeing anyone except my inner sanctum duo... after failed attempts to get anyone to listen ... 

Keeping track of the new paperwork

... for a new phase ... this debacle is ongoing and been my focus on arriving back from the West Country funeral, the March winds of change when I nearly gave up ...

We have had many a discussion on this matter ...My priority has been with the new financial year and clear past as I go to get it all established ... 

I am progressing slowly towards that .... I am currently keeping track of my volunteer paperwork with an upright old computer bag tucked to one side with all the documents inside  .... and a dedicated bag my sister passed on last time I was with her, for my ID and info required for weekly sessions.

A lot of the documents is virtual which is fortuitous. It physiological does not seem as much. I have ibooked or Kindled my forms in notes too ... depends on formatting ...

And while I await some requested IT training, I will see tutorials I was showed on my one day's training basics sessions. I miss the computer training stopped from lack of funding ... I hope to pick up for like in Kernow if it is not forthcoming here. I am dealing with the NHS system of course!

And the do and donts is very heirachial and rigourous ...

Past in Present

photos much of a theme. We have gradually built up in widow hood what was missed in later years with time. We have found through distribution of some before a time lost now in others homes. 

And photos in an album that survived much of a time where that evolving change in from past times to rotten times piecing back together between the gaps of life not understood by those that never had that. 

A time in remind. A time in silence. A time refreshed in much again being in simplicity of humdrum life to some. The hope to get through some tough times still to face head on that one has avoidance with. 

A time for moving on to the next stage back to life 

Glorious though a giddy

preparation with memories of friends, first love with a genius of people ... an artist and a few scallawags along the way until I met a future hubby. The first car and many photos that are starting  to co relate with all the family archives too .... 

The simple time where the hard work makes the start of a life withoot the past getting in the way ... I can enjoy a daughters pleasure with my God mother from afar without the terse and anxiety at times ... 

All due process

to assist the vulnerable being signed off onto the commence of the Induction section. The thoughts now turn to covered footwear and whatnot for the likehood of someone messing one up with what ever flows out the bodily orifices ... 

The discussions with those on the regulations and what bests suits the situation. I will be a little more assured when a routine gets back in this. Although in my line of vocation no day is the same, though the fundamentals of getting and doing the basics to do so ... is now a challenge to get back to second nature ... 

The series of

planned digit ops finished today for a sister ... with the scheduled May op one brought forward to today ... all timed well for a big sister to assist for it is the dominant hand this time ... and I called her a *** for no drives out and about! 

... Though we will still bus! 

The shopping today carrying two red bottles. One a drink, one a shower product. Through bleary eyes the hope I drink from the right bottle. Or I literally be frothing from the mouth ...urghhh!!!

A Manchester trip to see Russell Howard for other kin. I will be watching another  post-apocalyptic programme ... 

... particularly when a nurse practitioner mumbled how the surgery would cope after forsaking old fashioned blood pressure machines ... if they had no electricity ! 

Time in still

to comprehend much ... the timeline set to continue and get on track with despite the most hideous of times to descend ...

... which lurk dangerously close to life continuous ... However I have set some new agendas to include these feelings a bit more, for the future apprehensions that is now an integral part of this time  ...  And some steps to reiterate and follow of the things that do happen ... not if ...

Adious to

a railway workers cottage in a railway town in the central space of a country with electric rails. The trips planned here for first class travel, the Orient Express and a cottage up further of the Uk ...

Simple, effective make up time in time out in social disdain of one of many forgotten families in archaic homes ... still in the 21st C... 

Spring in start

the time in another town much like any other. Only this one is more built up to what I am used to of late ...way up North to Kernow ... 

....  a town usually nearer London. Whence the countryside becomes apparent around my stop on a train. The build up of sky scrapers lessens so of the views of a journey into and out of a city North and South East ... 

Whilst I am here, they are in a Spanish resort  one weekend in March ... 

In one of those ... .... 

 Skyscrapers in Benidorm ! Phew !